Real life.

There have been a lot of events recently that have made me think a lot about my life, and how far I've come, where I want to go, and who I want to become.

First off, I realized that I'm more than halfway through college, and that is terrifying. I'm almost done being a kid, but I don't feel like a grownup yet. Besides the paying my own bills stuff. That's not a big deal though because I've always done that. But what's weird is realizing that I'm older than missionaries, and all the little kids I used to babysit are starting to go through puberty and go to High School. Also, the fact that in 18 months I have to leave the Provo bubble and make my own decisions about what to fill my time with.

What's exciting though, is realizing that I am in a major that I am good at, and that I have power to help people to make their workplaces more effective and successful. I remember last year, thinking that everyone in my program was so much more experienced than me, and that they were so much more qualified than I was. It is intimidating to be in such a competitive major, but it's also good for me because it makes me try my hardest. Now that I only have 2 semesters of the program left, it's beginning to hit me. I have the same experience. I have the same qualifications. I know what I'm doing, and I'm going to be successful.

Case and point, 1 and 2. Number 1: Since Freshman year, I have only thought about the New York Internship program. It was my goal and I REALLY wanted to go there. Until I heard about Edelman PR's internship in LA. They basically do grassroots campaigning and it's interpersonal PR, which is what I want to do. It's an incredible opportunity, and it's very competitive. The more I learned about it, the more I felt like it was the internship for me, even though it isn't what I had originally planned on, so I applied for it, and worked hard to make my resume perfect. There were 19 applicants and only 4 positions open, so it was pretty intimidating but I went into the interview confident, and I was offered a position! Although it did take more than a month to get the final offer. But I am SO excited! I get to see what I'm made of, and work with an incredible PR firm, get some amazing experience and have an adventure. Getting this internship has been a huge blessing for me, because I know exactly what I'm going to be doing for the next year and a half.

Number 2: I was also recommended for a competitive internship on campus with University Communications over the summer, but since I was out of town I wasn't able to be interviewed in time, so I applied again this semester to start during Winter semester,  and I was the first choice out of six applicants! I didn't end up taking the position since I got the other one in California, and they conflicted, however, they do want me to do the internship in the Fall/Winter of next year. So that is really exciting too! I want to get as much experience as possible in the PR field, and I am definitely getting that. It's exciting and scary all at the same time.

I just feel very lucky and blessed to know that I am following the path that has been laid for me, and that someday I'll look back on all this and see the hand of God in my experiences, just like I've seen in my life so far. I know that there is a purpose for all of this, and I have a mission to help people and to use my education and life experience to make the world a better place. Even though it seems impossible with all of the violence and tragedy that is going on right now in the world. I believe in humanity. I believe that there is good, and that people just need to be reminded of their power and ability to make an impact.

Jack Kerouac paid tribute to those people. He said,"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. The only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they change things. They push the human race forward and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."

I'm crazy enough to think I can change the world. The world needs a lot of help, and I want to help it. I want to use my skills and talents in a way that will benefit the world. I am so grateful to be studying in a program that is helping me to hone those skills and develop strong relationships. I am 100% confident that my life will include a career path, and that I will find fulfillment in that, along with my responsibility to have a family. But no matter what, I am glad to know that there is a plan for my life, and that I can be an instrument in God's hands if I will let him guide me.

Got an award. Internships terrify me.

So I finally went into the Universe newsroom today to pick up my award from Summer term, because I keep missing Rebecca (editor-in-chief) and apparently she wanted me to have it. I wasn't to concerned about it, because I sometimes feel like awards are kind of trite. They're just pieces of paper and nobody remembers, so its whatever. Right?

Wrong. I got an award for "Best overall writer." For the whole Universe! (meaning the campus newspaper, not the actual whole universe, although that would be pretty legit!)

While I wasn't expecting quite that, I am pleasantly surprised! I am glad that someone noticed my hard work, and confident in my abilities as a strong writer. Plus, it's something really great to put on my resume.

Also, I went to a meeting for PRSSA about internships yesterday, and I'm super terrified. I feel like there are so many people in the program who are way more qualified than I am. Intimidation to the extreme! But now I feel that I can be confident about my abilities. And I can get one of those internships FOR SURE!! I'm stoked about the prospects.

I am committing myself to giving 110% into all of my classes. I love them, and I love the growth I'm going through.

Confidence is key right?

Some thoughts about growing up.

Sometimes, I have to stop and take a break look back at my life because I feel like I'm living it way too fast. Case and point, I just started my JUNIOR year of college, and I'm not really sure how that happened. I'm pretty excited about the coming future- no more tuition to pay soon, awesome internships, taking classes that I actually care about. Things like that. But I'm also nervous. Like, what the heck happened? I feel like I was a freshman last week, and now I am in 300 and 400 level classes? When did I grow up? And how did I get so lucky to get into such an intense and selective Top-5-in-the-nation program? The real world is becoming more real to me. It's scary, but I've learned that I know I can handle it. Even though the future is uncertain, and I still feel like an 18-year-old freshman sometimes.

Uncertainty aside, I am so happy with my life right now. I have the opportunity to attend an incredible university and take classes that stretch me and bring meaning to my life and goals. I absolutely love my classes, and I love the learning process. My life is richer. My heart is happy. I am completely content with where I am academically, and who I am intellectually.

One thing that tells me that I really am on the right track though, is that I don't feel like everyone in my classes is smarter than me anymore. I am just as competent, and I know what I'm doing. I am learning, and applying my knowledge. I am a powerful human being.

I like that phrase a lot. I have spent over 6 months cumulatively, standing on the street in downtown Portland, telling people that very phrase. I am a powerful human being, and so are they. They can make anything happen if they set their mind to it. That's who we are.  That's the world we live in. I don't think we give ourselves enough credit. When we don't think we can accomplish great things, we don't. Its that simple. When we believe in our abilities and give ourselves credit, we have power.

A cool thing that happened this summer as we were driving home from a family outing. My sister and brother and I were in the car with our parents and both of their spouses, and we got on the subject of my sister and brother-in-law's new business they are planning to open soon. We began discussing the best location for the business, and things like that. With such a wide range of people in the car, we had a lot of differing perspectives. Dad has owned a small business for nearly 20 years, so he knows about being an entrepreneur just from his own experiences. Richard is studying entrepreneurship and business in college, so he has that baseline. Marissa knows all about the products they want to create. I have a background in PR and Marketing because of my studies, and Tayler has had similar experiences to me. Many of us have worked in a sales capacity, so we know what gets people to buy things. Because of all of our experiences and knowledge, we were able to come up with a large amount of ideas for them. Then we started talking about Dad's Vet hospital, and his need for more business. We were able to take the same principles and experiences and apply them to a completely different business and give him some ideas for re-vamping his marketing practices. It was awesome to be able to contribute to the conversation and give actual input that was helpful and creative, and even though I am a good 30+ years younger than Dad, he still valued my knowledge and skills.

It seems kind of silly, it was just a conversation we had on a long drive home, but for me it kind of flipped a switch. Even though I'm still learning, and I'm definitely nowhere near being a professional yet, I am becoming competent. The skills I am gaining have the potential to help people. I can translate the things I have learned in the classroom, into making it possible for other people to be successful.

I am a powerful human being. It strengthens my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, because I know that there is a plan for my life. The skills and experiences I am gaining have a purpose.

Looking back on the defining moments of my life, I can see how my decisions led me to certain opportunities. I can see how things that I thought had no significance at the time, actually carried a lot of weight for what happened later. I can see that my experiences have definitely set me on this path. I have been opened up to opportunities that are exactly what I need at that time in my life. They have come as answers to the prayers that I have earnestly prayed, and to the prayers I have been afraid to pray.

For example, I left Portland this summer, feeling very bittersweet. I love my time in the city, bugging strangers to help children in need. It is one of those jobs that is so incredibly hard that you come home every day physically and mentally exhausted. But it's one of those experiences in my life that has made me feel so much richer, not monetarily, but culturally, intellectually, as a human being and as an activist. The world is a scary place. But it's easy to find beauty if you look for it. Closing that chapter in my life is hard. I grew so much and learned so much from having that experience. I learned how to love people, and I made hundreds of new friends. I helped people to have the opportunity to live their lives to the fullest potential- and I'm not just talking about the kids that got sponsored because of me.

When I got back to Provo, I felt discontented. I don't think I'll be living in Portland again for a long time, and working in that capacity is not really very realistic for me anymore. I found myself wondering if I would be able to find something that brought me that much meaning. Not too long after, I ran into a great friend who just went to Kenya to build schools for children there. We talked for hours about his and my experiences, and our passions for this kind of work. As a result, he introduced me to an amazing woman with a similar story to me. She started the charity he went to Kenya with, and as a result of our conversation, she asked me to be on the board of her charity. Wow. Just a few days before, I found myself wondering how I could use my skills and knowledge to contribute to something as meaningful as getting people to sponsor children. I hadn't even prayed to find a new outlet. Heavenly Father knew me better than I knew myself, and like usual, he gave me a distinct kick-in-the-pants message- don't waste time wondering what will happen. Trust that he will give me opportunities, and he will. He has definitely never let me down, and I know he never will. He has set me on this path, and he expects me to follow it.

It's a little bit scary for me to realize that my life has a distinct purpose. I know that I am meant to accomplish big things. I have the potential to make a difference in the world. The phrase is cliché, but it's true. I don't know what those things are, but I'm starting to get an idea. And I'm excited to see how the rest of my story unfolds.

Time really flies.

Man time flies. Its crazy huh? It's been an interesting few months since February- much has happened, at least I feel like it has. My life is crazy as ever. I finished my semester a week and a half ago, and we shall see about the final grades pretty soon.. I have been stretched more than ever and I have grown a lot, scholastically and personally. I am grateful for the difficult semester, but definitely glad it's over. Although, it doesn't necessarily get easier from here on out!

Things that  make me happy recently:
Awesome roommate bonding moments.
Kneaders for Breakfast on my last day in Provo.
Friday Temple days.
Meeting extremely attractive gentlemen.
Not having to move all of my stuff because I'm living in the same apartment again in 6 weeks.
Finding an awesome condo to live in with my awesome cousin next fall.
Going to see Young the Giant in concert and being surprised by the opening act- Grouplove.
Seeing my brother marry a wonderful girl for time and all eternity.
Finishing finals early and spending quality time with my mommy.
Playing foursquare for 3 hours one night- it was surprisingly fun!
Finding out that my Anatomy/Physiology credit from PCC transfers as a BIO credit to BYU and I don't have to take Biology to graduate!
Flying home with my family to Portland and I get to be here for the next 6 weeks!
Working with my favorite people and doing something I really care about while I'm home!
Finally reuniting with my lovely Ellen after a very long 4 months!
Starting up my same summer job from last year this week, and I'm really excited- almost to the point of being giddy. I'm gonna go save some more babies!

It's been awhile..

How my life has changed... I feel like I've grown up like 17 years in the last 7 months. Okay not really, but life is good. I have learned a lot. Let me tell you about it.

I learned that it's okay to love people, even if it's not meant to be.

I learned that sometimes it's just worth it to forgive and forget, even if people don't change.

I learned that sometimes, the only thing you can change about a situation is your perspective and your attitude. You are in control of you, and only you.

I learned that if we want to see the world change, we have to start the process by being that change.

I learned that Gandhi is one of the best role models, after Jesus Christ of course.

I learned that the Atonement is real, and not just for when you make mistakes, but also for when you are broken inside and you feel like all is lost. If you ask for his help and give him your burden, and are willing to give it away, he takes the burden away.

I learned that my troubles are very little compared to a little 7-year-old boy living in Zambia. I am so blessed, and no matter how poor I am, I will never know that much poverty.

I learned to be grateful for the little things. Like the sun when I wake up in the morning. Or for having awesome roommates. And sisters who will drop anything to come give me rides or let me hang out with them. For little toddler boys who always somehow know that I need the love they have to give. For an awesome bishop who encourages and loves me. For amazing friends who just let me talk. For an incredible experience to learn how to love. For amazing parents who always know what to say to me when I don't know where to turn. For the love of my Heavenly Father when I feel so alone. For a temple 5 minutes away from my apartment, and an amazing friend who wants to go with me every week. For the ability to hope. For my job where I can do my homework the whole time. For getting accepted into my major and having the confirmation that I am doing what I am supposed to do with my life. For things just falling into place when I'm ready for them. For brothers. For sisters. For my ballet class that gives me the opportunity to focus on improving my dance ability and forget about everything else that stresses me out. For friends who make me go and do things that are fun and meet new people, even though sometimes I'd rather watch movies and be by myself. For class discussions that make me feel like I'm stretching myself intellectually, but make me feel smart at the same time. For boys who smile at me when I walk down the hall. For meeting people who are best friends with people that I love. For making connections with every new person I meet. For learning how to identify how I am feeling, and consciously make an effort to improve my state of mind. For getting answers to my prayers. For getting answers in an unexpected way. For meeting amazing people, and then realizing that I see them everywhere. For being able to give advice, and have people appreciate it. For being able to serve others when I'm feeling down. For getting in shape and feeling endorphins. For dancing and singing. For grocery shopping. For sharing clothes with my sister. For people who make me feel special and important. For going to bed early and sleeping late. For candles that smell good. For inspirational quotes. For having time to play with my hair. For making delicious food. For living on the third floor and having to walk up the RB stairs every day. For pretty clothes that make me feel cute. For bright shoes that make my feet happy. For learning how to budget and realizing that I can handle my life. For making crafts. For talking to 3 year olds on the phone. For giving my brother advice and talking about his life. For laughing at nothing. For blue skies. For people who make me believe I can change the world. For professors who enable instead of terrify their students. For Uggs. For co-workers who have really good insights. For making friends. For realizing that I have so many blessings in my life, and all the troubles are only temporary.

I learned that I can accomplish anything I want to accomplish if I trust up above.

I learned that I can't understand everything, but that someday I will, and I'm okay with that.

I learned that I can be best friends with some guys without having to worry that they will interpret it the wrong way.

I learned that my family is, and will always be my best friends.

I learned that it's important to live in the moment, and embrace the experiences I'm living through instead of wishing time would pass quickly.

I learned that when you are obedient, you get blessed.

I learned that I can trust my own judgement, and I am responsible for my life.

I learned that I don't have all of the answers, and I didn't necessarily go where I thought I would. Life is pretty unpredictable, but sometimes Heavenly Father intervenes and helps me realize that my plans for myself were pretty good, but he has something way better in store for me. Everything I go through is shaping me into the person I am meant to be, and I'm grateful for the hard times and the struggles because I'm stronger now and more understanding.

I learned that there is so much more to learn. and I learned how to be completely and totally ME in every way.

In 7 months I've done a lot of learning.. but I'm happy with where I've come. Life is full of surprises, but I like them.

"If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree." I'm not going to be a tree. I'm going to take what I've been given, and make some lemonade. Or limeade. or a smoothie. I have control over my life, and nobody can change that or make me feel inferior. My life is going somewhere.

And with that, it's bed time. until next post.